“Why me?” A question ringing in my head for several weeks now after I found out his real deal. It’s so hard to believe that the one person you trusted your whole life didn’t feel the same way about you. It hurts so much, you never want to trust anyone ever again.
Well, I trusted the man I thought he was, and it worked. I mean, I thought it worked. For a long time, I never, not at all had a doubt about us. Helpless and vulnerable, all truths hit me like it want to shatter me into pieces. I couldn’t move, I didn’t want to move because for a second, I wished I was just dreaming and it will all go away, but it was all real. I tried hating him but I really can’t, and as much as I want to move on, the more I want him back. Wanting him back felt like eating everything that you puked or worse than that. I said, “What the hell, another chance can’t be that bad?”, but it’s seriously triple times more hurtful than before. There is no more trust and love is the only thing left to hold on to. For several days, I tried, at least one of us tried to work things out, but things would never be like before.
I keep on asking myself “why?” when I know I’ve invested so much in us. “What went wrong?”, something must have been wrong with me to deserve this. My mind is filled with questions I don’t want to ask because I’m afraid to know the answer. Just why.
I never gave up on him, but it felt like he already gave up on me even before I knew.@5 months ago